


but it's you, it's always you.

by adorechan



Series: loving you has consequences (that i'm willing to take) [26]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Lee Chan | Dino, Boys In Love, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Face-Fucking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Lee Chan | Dino is a Little Shit, Lee Chan | Dino-centric, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Sex, Top Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29922234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorechan/pseuds/adorechan
Summary: its you, it's you, it's all for you. everything i do.-Chan's used to getting fucked. He isn't used to falling in love. He's not sure how to feel about having a pretty boy wrapped around his finger.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Chan | Dino
Series: loving you has consequences (that i'm willing to take) [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1234472
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	but it's you, it's always you.

**Author's Note:**

> should I make another part

Chan really should delete that stupid fucking gay dating app from his phone. Everyone just hits him up for a hook up and he hasn't even remembered one guy who actually talked to him for more than a few days, without any sexual advances. He agrees almost every time, unless the guy has a small dick or is a total asshole. Honestly, it's destroying his mental health and he desperately wants to delete the god forsaken app but he craves the attention and the usually good sex. 

He gets a notification from the app and nearly wants to strangle himself and the guy who texted him. 

_ joshuji: _

hu? 

**_dino1999:_ **

sure. time and place?

_ joshuji: _

ten tn? I'll send u the address soon 

Chan doesn't even bother to reply, just waits for the ping of the next notification, knowing the guy sent the address. 

He scrolls through the guy's profile and truly, he's fucking gorgeous. Way too hot to be on some dating app- the dude could have gotten a hot model to date him. He sighs, gay men really do have to go on a hook up app just to find love or whatever. It's not like some guy would opening ask for this Joshua's snapchat at a café.

He sets a reminder for 9, getting up to get ready before that time and then leaving him more than enough time to reach the address the older hot dude had sent him.

Chan takes a long, hot shower, shaving all the places he needs to shave and freshening up for the night. He applies a little bit of makeup, nothing too heavy and nothing that runs easily because he loves being pretty. He also gets an easy to take off but cute outfit ready. He doesn't forget to tell his best friends, Hansol and Seungkwan his location for the night. Chan had done this from the very first time he accepted to hook up with someone, always very weary of those kidnapping and human trafficking horror stories. He would very much like to get some good dick and then go home, please.

Chan's reminder goes off and the time seemingly flies by. That's what he gets for gushing over Joshua's looks and texting his friends in his free time after completing getting ready.

Chan takes the bus to his destination, a pretty nice hotel. Hotels are usually where he finds himself on days like these and they're much better than some dude's house. 

He yawns, checking himself in his phone camera before knocking on the hotel room door Josh had sent him. He waits only for a few moments before Josh opens the door and beckons him inside. Chan isn't a liar and has never been a liar. Joshua looks like a full blown god. His nearly white hair makes his tan skin look so delicious and sexy.

Chan smiles seductively, "You look better than the pictures." And, Josh really does. He's probably singlehandedly the most attractive person Chan has hooked up with this far. Probably even more attractive than Seungcheol, his old fuck buddy. He tosses his phone aside, ignoring that thought and looks back at Josh.

"So I've been told." Josh replies, walking closer to the bed and sitting down on it. Chan follows. The guy has muscles. Muscles that Chan didn't notice while scrolling through his Grindr profile. He knows tonight will be good.

Both of them skip any introductions, Joshua slowly caressing Chan's face before pulling him for a slow, soft kiss. This surprises Chan. No one had ever been this.. gentle and soft with him before. It feels weird but he still likes it. More than he likes being handled rough.

Chan deepens their kiss, unbuttoning Joshua's pants as they make out with ease. They break away for a moment so Joshua can slide out of his pants while Chan slips off his sweater. 

They get back to kissing while Joshua plays with Chan's exposed and sensitive nipples while Chan palms Joshua's bulge that's growing harder through his underwear. Joshua's hands pinch his nipples and he lets out a small groan. His big hands start trailing down Chan's body, unzipping his jeans and he breaks the kiss.

"Take them off. Take everything off. Wanna make you feel good." Joshua says with a slight demanding tone. The guy is definitely a soft top but Chan's loving it. It makes him feel loved for once. 

Chan takes off his jeans and underwear in two swift motions, his hard cock springing free. Joshua's cold fingers give his dry cock a few strokes before he's spitting on it to get some kind of lubricant down. He gives Chan a few more strokes before taking Chan's cock into his mouth. Chan moans around the wet heat, an arousing contrast to the cold hotel air. Chan's got plenty of kinks, okay?

Joshua sucks him hard and fast, giving his sensitive tip plenty of love. He has to admit it, Joshua was right when he said he was going to make Chan feel good. Chan felt like he could orgasm and he barely had his cock inside Joshua's mouth.

Chan barely contains his moans, them becoming louder as he reaches his orgasm. 

"Cumming-" He moans out before Joshua takes Chan out of his mouth, stroking him to get his load. Chan cums all over Joshua's face, and the older guy has the audacity to lick it off his lips.

"You taste good." Is all he says before he takes off his shirt and underwear. 

"I'm gonna fuck you now. Gonna fuck you so good." He continues and Chan gapes at the size of Joshua's cock. He's big. Bigger than he's had in a while and he's so ready for it.

"You better." Chan says, creeping forward but before he can move anymore, Josh grabs him and forces him on his back. 

"I wanna see the face you make when you come to my cock, alright?" Joshua says, getting ready to prepare Chan's hole.

"Mhmm.." Chan replies, ready for whatever Josh is gonna give him. His cock is red at the tip and aching for another orgasm.

Josh easily slides in two fingers into Chan's hole as he gasps and mewls at the attention to his hole. 

Joshua fucks him good with his two fingers before adding a third. Chan moans at the next finger being added, can't quite contain himself. Chan loved to be loud and the way Joshua fucked him harder at each of his moans meant that he liked it too.

Joshua took out his fingers and Chan whined at the loss, his hole gaping around nothing. 

"Please.. Please." He babbles, already sliding into subspace. 

"Of course, baby. I'm gonna give it to you. Don't be too impatient." 

Chan whined again before moaning as Joshua rammed his dick into Chan's hole with no warning.

"Fuck, baby. You feel so good." He said as he slowly started fucking in and out of Chan's hole. He usually liked it hard and rough, but he loved being treated gently and soft today. He felt like he was being spoiled.

"Faster... Please." He moaned out as Joshua hit his prostate and the older gladly listened. He started fucking Chan at a harder and rougher pace. Chan's seductive and high pitched moans filled the hotel room.

Chan felt like he could cum at any moment and wasn't surprised when he did without any warning. 

Joshua's pace became a little erratic, him cumming soon after. He collapsed next to Chan on the bed, wiping some of the cum off his belly with a napkin.

"I was right. Your face when you came was beautiful."

For some reason, Chan blushed and he hated himself for it.

"Is that so?"

Joshua nodded. "Do you wanna rest for a bit or take a shower now?" The guy seemed good with aftercare too and Chan loved that. Most of his hook ups didn't give a flying fuck about aftercare but he desperately loved it and honestly needed it after a good fuck.

"Wanna rest for a bit."

"Alright, baby." Joshua replied, inching closer to Chan before wrapping his arms around Chan's torso and cuddling him. He rubbed Chan's belly softly and Chan soon fell asleep.

-

The next morning, Chan woke up in a not so unfamiliar place with a not so unfamiliar face.

It seemed Joshua was already awake and getting ready. His hair was wet, though.

"Leaving so soon?" Chan asked groggily, sitting up. He felt sticky because of dried sweat and cum.

"Oh, you're awake. I just took a shower. I was going to wait until you were done getting ready yourself before leaving. I didn't want you to wake up alone."

Chan nearly wanted to cry at his attitude. His hook ups never treated him this good. "You're actually pretty nice." 

Joshua seemed a bit sad at the statement and just ignored him. "You need any help?" 

Chan shook his head, getting out of the bed and walking briskly towards the bathroom. He took a quick shower, just rinsing his body and shampooing his hair. He got out and dried himself quickly before dressing in his clothes from the day before as Joshua was on his phone, not so discreetly watching him.

Chan decides to head out first, almost forgetting about his morning shift as his barista job. His boss, Jeonghan, will skin him alive if he arrives late one more time. He's already sore and doesn't feel like getting scolded today. He's in a good mood.

Chan grabs his phone from where he discarded it last night, skipping on his sneakers and smirking st Joshua who just watches it all. 

"Give me a call whenever, yeah? You have me craving more." He says to Joshua, putting up a call me sign to his ear and winking. He doesn't miss the way Joshua seems to be flabbergasted, blushing slightly.

He giggles on his way out, the expression on Joshua's face imprinted in his mind.

For some reason, his heart aches.

-

Chan nearly spills the order he's making as he watches Joshua enter the café he works at. He does a double-take, making sure he's not hallucinating. He isn't.

He's almost glad he isn't at the register, Jeonghan taking Joshua's order. Unfortunately, he has to make it... and deliver it to Joshua. He wants to fucking die. He never really encountered one of his hookups after they had sex, especially not the morning after. If god listened to his prayers, Joshua would ignore him and just go on about his day. If god didn't, Joshua would spark a conversation with him. He didn't want that plus Jeonghan was a nosy bastard. Too bad he was one of Chan's closest friends or he'd knock the guy out.

Joshua had ordered a hot cafe latte and Chan grumbled to himself as he drew the cafés flower logo with the foaming milk. Curse the cute aesthetic they had at Fallin' Flower.

Chan put on his best fake smile as he headed to give Joshua his order. The way Joshua's eyes slightly widened as he saw Chan approach meant he didn't see him before, meant he didn't know Chan worked here. Phew, at least he wasn't a stalker.

Act like you don't fucking know me, Chan basically begged with his eyes as they made eye contact. Joshua didn't take the hint.

"Oh, I didn't know you worked here, Dinosaur1999." He said with a sly smile as Chan sat down his drink. Chan could feel his eye twitch.

"I don't give out my personal info to strangers, Joshuji." Chan replied with a forced smile.

"Of course, of course." Joshua sipped at his drink. "Care to give me your real number? You did say to call you again but.. I'd rather not just call you for another hookup." 

Chan's heart squeezed for a moment and he sighed. He grabbed a napkin, jotting down his number and his real name before sliding it towards Joshua.

"Thanks." Joshua said, folding and pocketing the napkin. "Have a good rest of your day, Chan. Look forward to my call, alright?" And he seemed genuine with his words. Chan just nodded stiffly and went back to continue his shift.

Joshua's words echoed in his head and Chan tried to ignore the way his heart felt warm.

-

Chan really wasn't expecting the text from Joshua to come. He totally forgot about it and thought Joshua did too until a few days later. He kept his promise and really did text Chan. 

_ unknown number: _

this is chan, right?

_**chan:** _

mhm, whose this?

_unknown number:_

joshua.

I was expecting someone like you would remember someone like me.

**_chan:_ **

im a forgetful person ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_ joshua: _

im gonna call u, u better answer

_ joshua is calling.... _

Chan picks up, ignoring the way he desperately wants to leave Joshua ringing.

"You miss my voice that much, Joshy? I'm flattered." Chan says as soon as he picks up and he can hear Joshua laugh on the other side. He has a cute laugh. Chan nearly huffs at his own thoughts.

"If that's what you wanna think, then yeah." Joshua replies, still laughing a little bit. "I was calling to see if you were free next Thursday."

"Hm? For what reason? So you can fuck me again?" Chan asks, half joking.

"What? No. So, I can take you out on a date." Joshua seems a little offended at Chan's half seriousness. Chan doesn't like the genuine tone Joshua has in his voice.

Chan doesn't go on dates. He doesn't do feelings. Chan doesn't fall in love. 

He doesn't allow himself to have that kind of happiness.

So, like always, he sabotages himself.

"I'm not free. Gonna go to some hotel and let another guy fuck me. You really thought someone like me would do anything else?"

Joshua stays silent and it's kind of painful even though Chan set himself up. He hangs up, his heart throbbing.

Chan doesn't even know why he starts to tear up. He ruined something that hadn't even started.

He lets his tears fall as he hugs his phone close, wishing Joshua would call again.

He doesn't.

-

If Chan was a sane person, he'd ignore the phone call in the middle of his shift. But, he's not.

He picks up and it's Joshua. Of fucking course it's Joshua.

"Are you free on Friday then?" He asks and Chan wants to rip his hair out. Why did this guy have to keep doing this? Their last phone call should have made it clear that Chan didn't want him. But, god, he wanted Joshua.

"I guess." Chan says, hating himself for actually agreeing to whatever Joshua wants to do.

"Then, I'll pick you up. And, we'll go on a date. You better not have some other guy's cum leaking out of your ass or I'll leave you at home."

"Mkayy." Chan says, his dick nearly getting hard at Joshua's voice and words. Meanwhile, for some unknown fucking reason, he blushes while his heart beats out of his chest.

He's all kinds of fucked up if he's really falling for Joshua.

He hangs up as soon as Jeonghan calls his name, regretting it a little bit. Joshua was worth him getting scolded by his boss.

-

Friday comes along and Chan sends Joshua a quick text of his address. He has hope Joshua isn't some crazy serial killer coming to murder him tonight.

Despite what Joshua said and the elaborate lie Chan pulled, he really did get fucked the night before. He wanted to ignore his nervousness and those thoughts making him want to self sabotage even more.

He liked being used. Even if it made him hate himself afterwards.

Chan often had stupid conflicting thoughts like that.

Once again, Chan freshened himself up and put on some light makeup. He didn't really know what they were doing tonight because Joshua didn't call him again. Only a few fleeting messages were sent between the two but they all had Chan's heart beating. He was annoyed by it. He went with something casual and warm.

Soon enough he got a text from Joshua saying he arrived and Chan triple checked to make sure his GPS was on fire Hansol and Seungkwan.

There was always that slight chance. Although, he really doubted Joshua was that type of person.

Chan headed outside, getting into Joshua's car. It was pretty old, actually. Although, it did have stuffed animals on the dashboard.

"You like cutesy things then?" He asked as he buckled up his seatbelt.

"Yeah. Maybe it explains why I like you even though you're a little brat." Joshua replied, glancing over at Chan to make sure he was all ready for them to leave for the night.

Chan hated the way his cheeks warmed up without his consent. He didn't want to fall in love. He didn't want to have feelings. He would just get hurt in the end, like always.

"Whatever.." He grumbled with a pout, still blushing. "Where are you taking me?" 

"Out to eat and get ice cream. Maybe go to the park." Joshua replied like he didn't notice Chan's blushing cheeks. He was staring intently at Chan. He liked the eyes on him, though.

"Nothing too fancy, right? I mean, I didn't dress for the occasion." Chan jokes, gesturing to his outfit.

"I was thinking barbeque." Joshua smiled, turning on the engine and pulling out of the parking space. Chan liked his smile, it was cute and sweet.

"Sounds good." Chan said, turning on the radio and playing a random station. He bobbed his head to the music unconsciously as the two of them talked on the way to the restaurant. He hated how much he and Joshua got along.

The two of them soon arrived at their destination and Chan actually knew this restaurant and loved their food.

"I like this place. They have good food.. I doubted you and your american name."

Joshua laughed again and Chan didn't know why. He wasn't that funny but Chan couldn't ignore how much he loved Joshua's laugh. "My korean name is Jisoo." Is all he said before opening the door and letting Chan walk in first.

Chan takes a seat at a booth, glancing behind him to make sure Joshua's following him. He.. just wants to make sure Joshua won't ditch him for some unknown reason. It's happened to him before.

Maybe all these stupid fucking encounters and hopeless loves he's had over the years contributes to his horrible mental health. Maybe it's just him.

Joshua sits across from him, picking up his menu and looking through it. Chan does the same. Joshua has a slightly concentrated look on his face and for some reason Chan thinks it's kind of handsome. He has to be going insane.

"You know what you wanna order?" Joshua says, setting down his menu and looking up at Chan. Chan just nods, waving over a waiter. 

The two of them tell the waiter their orders.

"You really must come here a lot. You barely looked at the menu." Joshua started.

"Mhmm. My friends and I come here often after school."

"You're still a college student?" Joshua asks.

"Yup. Majoring in dance." Chan doesn't know why he's telling so much about himself. He's the secretive type.

"Really? You should show me some time. You're probably a great dancer, right?" Joshua says, eyes sparkling a little bit as he learns more about Chan. It's like he actually wants to learn about Chan's life, almost like he actually cares. "I graduated from University already. I studied in America and recently moved back to Korea."

"Hmm? What'd you major in?"

"Business. 'Cause of my parents. Always wanted to be a singer though." Chan can imagine Joshua being an idol, his voice sweet and smooth. He wants to hear Joshua sing.

"Sing me a song sometime, then. I'll be your little guilt pleasure." Chan' says, winking. His last sentence having two meanings.

"Sure. As long as you dance for me too." Joshua smiles as their drinks and food arrive.

They dig in, Chan moaning around his noodles and meat. This place always had the best food. Chan looks up, making eye contact with Joshua. He can basically see Joshua's eyes smiling, them holding affection as he stares at Chan.

Why was Joshua so interested in him? Did he do this with everyone he met? Was he just messing around with Chan? They barely knew each other. He didn't want to get hurt, he didn't want to get played by another person. He just.. wanted something to be real. He didn't know why he thought Joshua would be the happiness he wanted. He didn't want to admit to the way he slowly wished Joshua would be more, would be different.

Chan didn't want to get his hopes up. He had one too many times and it always ended up with his heart broken.

He was scared of falling in love.

-

They finished their food and got ice cream like Joshua promised. From a convenience store, though. All the ice cream shops closed and Joshua sheepishly smiled as they drove around town trying to find an open one. It was kind of cute, in a weird way.

Chan licked his chocolate ice pop as Joshua apologized about driving him around aimlessly for almost an hour but all he did was laugh.

"It's fine. I almost had fun watching you struggle so hard." 

"Almost?" Joshua pouts, "Just admit you had fun with me tonight." 

"Fine, fine. I did have fun with you tonight." Chan said, pausing before adding, "Since you paid for my food and all."

Joshua gasped playfully, hitting Chan in his arm as he ate some of his matcha ice cream. 

Chan just giggled again.

"Seriously, though. I had fun with you tonight. Despite everything you say, despite everything you are, I can't help but want to know more about you." Joshua says, finishing up his ice cream and throwing away his trash.

Chan stays silent, finishing his ice cream and throwing away his trash too.

Chan makes his way to Joshua's car, watching as Joshua helplessly follows him and unlocks it.

Chan gets in, turning on the radio as Joshua gets in. "Take me home."

Joshua does and somehow he can't help but feel like he ruined the night.

They drive in awkward silence as Joshua takes him home. They arrive at Chan's place and Joshua parks his car.

Chan sits there for a long moment before unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the car door.

"Take me out another time. I'll be waiting." And he leaves, slamming the car door before he can hear Joshua's reply.

He's scared he'll cry if hears another word come out of Joshua's pretty mouth.

-

Joshua actually does call him again, the next day. Much to Chan's surprise even though he told Joshua to take him out another time. He wasn't sure if Joshua heard him or even wanted to take him out again if he did.

"Are you free tomorrow? My friend gave me tickets to a movie."

"Your friend definitely did not give you those tickets. You had to have bought them yourself as an excuse to see me again."

"Ah, you saw through my lies? You did tell me to call you again and I thought this was the best way."

Chan snorts, "Whatever. The movie better not be fucking boring."

"It seems interesting. And, seriously, he did give me these tickets." 

Joshua hangs up before Chan can rebuttal and Chan smiles softly at the conversation. Joshua plays along with his stupid and rotten personality and jokes and it makes Chan stupidly happy. 

It's annoying how much Chan looks forward to the movie.

-

"Seungkwan, I'm telling you, I think I have feelings for the guy."

"Really? Our little Channie fell in love?" 

"I'm serious, hyung."

"God. You never call me hyung. You actually are serious."

"What do I do?" 

"You've gotta be vulnerable. I know that little heart of yours is always aching and you always make sure no one can see the real you, but try for once. Maybe something good will happen. You can't keep doing stupid shit for that second of bliss. You've gotta reach for that long term happiness you've always wanted, even if you get hurt, even if it's scary."

Chan hangs up as someone knocks on his door, wiping away his tears and keeping Seungkwan's words in the back of his head. He was only a year older but he seemed so much wiser. He actually had pretty good advice.

Chan huffs as the knocking gets louder, making sure there was no evident sign of him crying before he answers. 

"I didn't tell you to come to my apartment." Chan says with a fake annoyed tone as he opens the door to Joshua's face.

"You wouldn't answer my text. What if you were dead or something?" Joshua joked but Chan could tell he was a bit worried.

"I'll answer the phone next time, you worrywart." He rolls his eyes, walking outside his door and locking it before he heads down to Joshua's car, the older following him. It always seemed like Joshua was the one following him like a lost little puppy. It was kind of cute and Chan liked being in control. Just a little bit.

"So? Come on, tell me. What's the movie about? I don't want a surprise."

"It's a horror. I was hoping you'd hate them and hold my hand when you got scared during it. Cute, right?"

"It's not cute, it's a cliché. You'd probably be the one getting scared." Chan blushed. It did seem cute and Chan truly wasn't one for horror. 

"I know you're lying." Joshua just says, leaving the apartment parking lot.

They arrive pretty quickly to the theaters, Joshua insisting on buying them popcorn to share and some drinks. Chan doesn't mind at all really. He's a college student in his last year and he's pretty sure Joshua has a good paying job. 

"Just put a little butter on the popcorn or I'll make you eat all of it. That's the best way to get it." Chan says as he watches Joshua dispense butter all over their big bag of freshly popped popcorn.

"Sure, your highness." Joshua says, listening to Chan's statement and putting only a bit of butter, shaking it to get it on all the pieces. Chan holds their drinks while Joshua had their popcorn and tickets.

They head to their specific viewing room with their items, Chan watching Joshua happily munch away on the popcorn as they walk.

"Feed me some." He says, his hands full.

Joshua does so, greasy fingers feeding Chan a few pieces and Chan smiles, wanting to chomp on Joshua's fingers. So, he does.

Joshua blushes a bit, looking around wildly to see if anyone saw his fingers in Chan's mouth. Luckily, they're the only ones heading down to the specific viewing room.

Chan lets go soon enough to eat his popcorn, just wanting to see Joshua's reactions. They're always super cute.

They finally find their viewing room and sit in the back, the theater mostly empty. Chan sets down their drinks, grabbing at the popcorn and popping a fistful in his mouth. Meanwhile, Joshua takes a sip of his drink.

Soon enough the movie starts and Chan hates the eerie feeling in the theater. Not a lot of people, dark and they're watching a horror movie. He should have said no because he isn't a big fan of horror. Although, for some weird reason, the sound of Joshua eating popcorn next to him comforts him.

They watch the movie, Chan pretending like he isn't super scared after each jump scare. Soon enough, a big jump scare comes and Chan actually jumps a little bit. Joshua notices this, his hand inching over to rest in the arm rest, inviting Chan but not forcing him. Chan looks at Joshua's big, slender hands for a moment before giving in and holding his hand. It's warm and makes Chan feel all bubbly inside. 

He likes this feeling.

-

The movie ends, the two of them leaving the theater. They had stopped holding hands after they left the viewing room and Chan was kind of sad about it. He wanted to hold Joshua's hand again.

"Do you want to go somewhere else now? Like the arcade, maybe? That sounds fun." Joshua asks as they get to his car.

"I wanna go home, I'm tired." Chan whines, wanting to still hang out with Joshua but also a little bit tired.

Joshua seems a bit disappointed and just nods his head, taking Chan home. He felt like he ruined their second date too. Fuck.

Couldn't Chan do anything right? He wanted to make Joshua happy. He felt like he was starting to actually fall in love. He fucking hated it but he was trying for once. That had to mean something. Even if Joshua didn't know how hard commitment and being vulnerable was to Chan. Chan did.

Chan just couldn't go out and say all that to Joshua, though. He couldn't just tell Joshua the reason why he was so isolated, so driven on fucking up his own happiness and life was because he was so, so scared of being happy and being in love. 

Chan was scared. 

They arrived at Chan's apartment sooner than he would have liked, so many thoughts swirling through his head.

"I'll call you again sometime, then." Joshua joked, looking over at Chan. His eyes widened at the way Chan had his held down, fists clenched and shaking ever so slightly.

Chan breathes in slowly, "I'm just really sorry. I stayed up late studying for my exams and I just… I really love spending time with you and I feel like I ruined everything tonight because I'm tired. So fucking pathetic. I'm not used to this. No one has ever really.. cared about me like you. It's scary. I'm scared I'm going to ruin this, gonna disappoint you. I don't want you to leave me." 

By the time he's done speaking, he's all choked up and tears are rolling down his cheeks. 

"God. I'm not a vulnerable person, Josh. I don't do feelings or love or anything like that. But, with you? I'm fine with trying."

Joshua was quiet for a moment before leaning over the center console to wrap Chan in a big, warm hug. Chan sniffled one time before completely breaking down into sobs. His body shook as he let Joshua hold him tightly, like he’d never let go. He cried hard into Joshua’s shoulder, Joshua rubbing his back gently and whispering reassuring words into his ear.

Someone finally cared enough to stick around. Chan was sure Joshua wasn’t going anywhere. He had seen him covered in cum, snot, you name it. 

Chan finally had found his person.

Soon enough, his shaking sobs turned into soft sniffles and hiccups and Joshua slowly parted from him, even if neither of them wanted the hug to end.

Joshua spoke again for the first time in what seemed like forever, “I’m really glad you told me that, Chan. I was really scared you were going to say you hated me or something. I know it was hard for you to say that and I’m proud of you. I’m never gonna leave you, ‘kay? I care about you, you know? So much more than you ever could know. I really like you, could say I think I might even love you.” 

Chan laughed, wet and rough, “You’re my person now. I think I might love you too. I’m inviting you inside… Don’t wanna be alone.” He said, whispering the last part. 

Chan was a difficult person, he’d say. He was scared of falling in love, scared of being left alone, scared of too many things to list. He was good at getting compliments, good at giving a blowjob. He was bad at saying his feelings, bad at love. He was rotten with a spoiled personality. He could never imagine someone staying.

He could never imagine someone falling in love with him.

But, Joshua did. Joshua stayed. And, it was more than enough. 

“Of course. I’m never going to leave you alone anymore. Like. Mold or a leech. Or something.” Joshua said, trying to make Chan feel better.

“God, you’re so stupid.” 

-

Chan isn’t totally sure how they got here, but by the time they’re up at his apartment, they’re making out. He barely kicked the door closed, pressed up against Joshua as close as he can get. 

Chan’s already getting hard, pent up. He hasn’t had sex in a while, hasn’t touched himself either. He couldn’t help but think about how much he wanted Joshua to do all the things he was going to do. 

He wanted Joshua’s big hands to touch him everywhere, just like they are now. 

Chan leads them to the bedroom and he breaks the kiss to get on his bed and shed off his jeans. Joshua takes off both his pants and shirt, leaving him his briefs. His dick is hard, big and Chan wants nothing more than to take it into his mouth. 

So, he does. His hot breath fans over the outline of Joshua’s cock as he licks it a few times through the fabric. He pulls down Joshua’s briefs, his dick springing free from its cage and Chan’s so ready. 

Chan takes Joshua’s length into his mouth, sucking on his tip before slowly moving deeper. His hands stroke what his mouth can’t take and he bobs up and down on Joshua’s cock. Joshua’s breathy moans turn Chan on even more and he goes faster, throating Joshua as deep as he can. Joshua grabs Chan’s hair gently before guiding Chan down his cock, he’s close. With almost no warning, except for the tight pull on Chan’s hair, Joshua pulls out and cums all over Chan’s face.

He cums with a groan, and when he’s done Chan sucks on the tip. 

“Think I have a thing for my cum all over your face.” Joshua says, his voice deep and full of lust. 

“Hm, really?” Chan says, wiping some of Joshua’s cum off his face and sucking his fingers, “Think I have a think for you face fucking me.” 

Joshua huffs out a laugh, crawling over to Chan, “I’ll do that again next time, let me fuck you now. You need attention too, yeah?” He says, running a thick finger down Chan’s cock still in his briefs. He shudders.

“Mhm.. Want you real bad.”

Joshua grabs Chan, pulling his shirt over his head in a hurry and flips him onto his stomach. “Gonna give it to you then. If you want me so bad then. Next time I think you should beg for it. I’m playing nice today.”

Chan just moans at the manhandling and dirty talk. He’s so hard, straining in his briefs. He’s aching for Joshua’s cock, to just cum. 

Joshua pulls off his briefs too, giving his ass a good squeeze before lubing up his fingers and fucking him open with one finger.

“You’re tight.” Is all Joshua says and Chan knows. He can tell from the slight burn at only one finger in his hole, but he likes it. 

Joshua fucks him slow at first, making sure Chan gets used to it before adding another finger and Chan groans. 

“Feels good…” He whines, Joshua getting the memo to fuck his ass faster, and he does. With every thrust of Joshua’s fingers, he whines and moans, just wanting Joshua’s big cock inside him already.   


“I’m ready, ‘m ready.” 

“So needy, hm? I’ll give it to you, little brat.”   


Joshua pulls out and Chan nearly whines at the loss before feeling Joshua’s tip at the entrance of his hole. His ass is up in the air, slightly pink, and his face is against his pillow. 

“I’m going to fuck you real good.” Joshua says before thrusting into Chan. Chan cries out in pleasure, finally getting what he wants. Joshua fucks him at a good pace, hard and rough and hitting his prostate every time. 

“Good. So good, hnnn. You’re so good, gonna cum soon.” Chan babbles, already drooling. Joshua just fucks him faster.

It's the best he’s ever had. He’s seriously going to cum soon, thinks he can cum twice tonight. 

Joshua’s big hands are squeezing his ass tight, knowing he’s going to leave bruises. That thought makes him cum without warning. 

“Fuck, did you just cum? Could feel you tightening around me.” Joshua says, not even slowing his pace.

“Mhmmm..” Chan moans out. 

“Do you think you can cum again?” Joshua says, slowing his thrusts.

Chan nods, and wraps a hand around his own cock, stroking it rough. He’s all messy, cum all over his stomach and cock.

Joshua slaps his ass and Chan moans. He bottoms out fully before thrusting back into Chan at full force. Chan chokes on his moan. He knows he’s not going to be able to walk tomorrow. 

“You better cum with me.” 

Chan’s strokes get faster as Joshua’s pace becomes fast and erratic. Joshua’s going to cum again soon and so is he. 

“Can I cum inside you? Tell me I can.” 

Chan whines out, “Yes, please.” 

Joshua cums right then inside him and after a few more rough strokes so is Chan. His whole body is shaking with his second orgasm and he moans loud into his pillow.

His neighbors are going to send in a noise complaint.

“Fuck.” Joshua says, pulling out of him and Chan slumps down onto the bed. Chan turns over onto his side, looking up at Joshua, his eyes hooded with exhaustion. 

“Don’t sleep yet, okay? I’ll clean you up fast.” Chan nods, sleepily. Joshua fumbles around in his unfamiliar apartment, wetting a towel. He comes back quick and Chan smiles. He’s so happy. He’s so glad he has Joshua.

Joshua wipes his stomach down before moving to his ass and cleaning him there too. He pulls up a blanket over Chan before settling down next to him.

“We can talk about things more tomorrow. I know you’re really tired, baby. Go to sleep. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

Chan falls asleep with a smile on his face and dreams of cats.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
